Wednesday, August 24, 2011

There's no stopping her

I missed a posting day. But I'm already back so, when compared with my last scheduling failure (where I missed approximately 72 posting days), that's not really that bad. And this time I have a legitimate excuse - I'm rocking some serious overtime at work for the next couple of weeks. So if these next these next few entries aren't up to my usual standard of thoughtful and intelligent rhetorical deconstruction paired with sparkling, Dorothy Parker-like, wit, please forgive me.*

Moving right along, September is clearly going to be Tyra Month. In addition to the impending release of literary game-changer Modelland, next month brings us a new season of ANTM. More than that, it's an all-star season. Which basically makes no sense, because some of these women are now north of thirty. And it's not that I find thirty particularly old in any real world sense, it's just that this isn't the real world - it's modelling.

For the high-fashion stuff that Tyra seems to be leaning toward, 18 is a little old, and 24 is impossibly ancient. At thirty, I don't really know what there is, aside from catalog work (which Tyra talks about as if it were on par with modelling for escort service ads), so what's the prize? I mean, if it's just a crap-ton of money then awesome - enjoy the flaming shark tank catwalk that Tyra has probably constructed. But if it's another contract - who would it be with? Activia? Even the regular series' Cover Girl ads get minimal airplay (because, as my friend put it- what's going to sell more product: Some girl that a few people watched on a reality show for a few weeks, or an actual celebrity?), so if it's just another contract with them, how much support do you think a 29-year-old neophyte is going to get? Would a couple of commercials that will barely air really be worth a month plus in a house stacked with 50-70% Designated Cycle Bitches?

Which, of course, isn't to say that I won't watch. The season premiere airs the day after the release of Modelland, and Tyra is Tyra. She's made contestants recreate her old pictures, live in Tyra-themed apartments, and perform in her music video. I have to believe in a world where this season includes at least one Modelland-themed challenge. And when Tyra sends those girls through a military obstacle course wearing thigh-high boots with 8-inch stiletto heels - all while telling thing that they shouldn't complain because it's TOTALLY like that time she had to walk a runway in Milan in platforms that were too small - I want to be there.

*A "does this just happen" to me question: do you ever worry that, when you're being self-effacing, people just think you have a severely inflated self-image?

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