Just...why?

Ok, this is officially TOO MUCH Project Runway. Season 8, which is premeiring on Lifetime on July 29, is the show's third season in the last year (season 6 premiered August 20, 2009 - I checked). That's a lot of dresses.

And not only is Lifetime throwing as many seasons at you as they can, but they're upping the show to 90 minutes. Ninety.

Look, I love Tim Gunn. I do. Deeply. And Nina Garcia is Captain Fantastico-Amazing. But that's a lot of time. I could do a lot with 90 minutes a week. Like cook. Or clean. Or write. Or watch an episode-and-a-half of Snapped.

If the show maintained its previous levels of awesome I might not mind as much. I mean, I still enjoy the show, and some of the season 7 designers were fun to watch, but they were leaving out all kinds of drama. For example, did you know that Tim and Emilio (he of the ridiculous initial print) got in fights like ALL THE TIME. Why cut that? Shit like that is the whole point of the show. I mean yes, the clothes are important too, but if that was all that mattered people would just skip to the runway show. The catty interpersonal stuff is what makes the middle 40 ( well, 70 now) minutes watchable.

My biggest issue is the show's "celebrity guests". Last season, they repeatedly fell on this crutch of having a super-special celebrity, and it’s ...HEIDI! Or, the designers are going to meet a fabulous and famous American designer and it’s MICHAEL! And you know what, Project Runway? That’s some sad, sad shit. For god’s sake even The Fashion Show (which was kind of painful) got Lady Gaga- couldn’t you manage Ke$ha (I mean, don't actually try and get Ke$ha. Please. Seriously.)? Or some CW actresses? Though even when they had Jessica Alba as a judge, they still had everyone design a dress for Heidi. When you get famous people in there, use them.

Or, even better, embrace your inherent Lifetime-ness. Call upon the networks existing stable of actress - they could dress Tori Spelling in modern re-imaginings of the costumes from Mother, May I Sleep With Danger. There could be a whole challenge inspired by the works of Kellie Martin. Some one could make a milk carton-shaped dress. I'd watch the hell out of that. Come on, Lifetime – make it happen.

Never gonna give you up, etc., etc.

My cable box is turning into a giant, glowing beacon of shame. At least once a month, I think "man, we've got to figure out a way to cut our expenses," and the same idea crosses my mind every time: we should totally ditch our cable.

I mean cable is a complete luxury item, and between Hulu and Netflix Watch Instantly (which is magic) we could keep up on a bunch of shows. Of the ones not available online, most are available on DVD within months after. Plus tons of people don't have cable, and the absence of Real Housewives and Ninja Warriors actually makes them better people. It's been scientifically proven that people without cable plant 73% more daisies and shovel 47% more old people driveways then those of us who gave up their entire last Saturday cherry-picking their favorite episodes out of Logo's Buffy marathon (don't judge me). Getting rid of cable is obviously a good choice.

But I can't do it. Every time I consider it for more than a few minutes, I look at the list series set to record in my DVR. I don't know exactly how many shows are on that list, but I know it's a big enough number that I always feel a little embarrassed about it. And that's exactly the problem. Because sure, I could watch most of the shows I really love on DVD (though if their ratings fell and they got cancelled, I'd have no one to blame but myself). I already do that with things like True Blood, because I'm way too cheap/broke for HBO. But what, I ask you, of the garbage?
They don't put things like Tool Academy on DVD. And even if they do, I couldn't Netflix it. Watching it casually is one thing, but to have permanent proof that you wanted it enough to have it mailed to your home? And then I would get DVDs recommended to be based on the fact that I enjoyed Tool Academy. And I can only just manage to survive America's Next Top Model on a week-to-week basis. A full disc of Tyra conducting eliminations whilst lounging across the judge's table in a velvet catsuit and 6-foot-long blonde weave is just Too. Much. Tyra.

Besides, I don't just watch garbage. I watch a good quantity of genuinely good shows, and I like being caught up, and getting to read what other people think about them. And even if I didn't have cable, I would still read reviews. And wikipedia entries. And...third thing that would spoil surprises for me.

So, the cable stays. And yes, it means I'll never learn to hand-carve wooden songbirds like the people without cable. But, on the other hand, they don't get to spend their Christmas season making gifts while watching hours of terrible Lifetime Christmas movies, so who's the real winner here?

Ok, them. But seriously - have you ever seen the movies Lifetime shows at Christmas? They're fantastic. There was one in which Steve Guttenberg was about to take over the family business of being Santa, but first he had to get Helen from Wings to marry him. That is an actual movie. And it has a sequel. And if it becomes a trilogy, damn it, I'm going to be there.